Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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