Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Randomize
