The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
