Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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