I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
