In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
