He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
