This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
