So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
