went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
