You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
