My brain says no but my pants say off.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
