so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i think i have herpe
just one?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
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