I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
