So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
