Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Panties = found
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