yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
