Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize
