I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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