I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
