Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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