just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
