mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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