Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
