be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
