trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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