I need help removing her.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
