Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
