my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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