So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
