we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
