I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
