your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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