when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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