I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
