I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
