She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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