I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
