Heybabeimwearingurpanties
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
