I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
