The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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