u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
