i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
