you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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