And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
