I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
