There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
