We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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