why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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