its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
