Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
